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How to Boost Low Self-Love and Self-Esteem in Teens

It’s hard watching your teen struggle to feel good about themselves. Maybe they put themselves down constantly. Maybe they avoid anything that feels like a challenge, or brush off compliments like they don’t deserve them. Even when you try to encourage them, it might feel like the message isn’t getting through. 

Teen years are a natural time for self-doubt and frustration, but when low self-esteem sticks around, it can affect your teen’s relationships, decisions, and emotional well-being. The good news? You can help them grow real confidence from the inside out.

This post will walk you through what causes low self-esteem, how to spot the signs, and what you can do to help your teen build self-worth that lasts.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem In Teens?

There’s no single reason teens struggle with self-esteem. Often, it’s a mix of life experiences, outside pressures, and internal expectations. Some of the most common causes include:

  • Pressure to succeed at school, in sports, or socially
  • Constant comparison, especially on social media
  • Criticism from peers, adults, or themselves
  • Past trauma, bullying, or rejection
  • Perfectionism and fear of failure

Even teens who appear confident can carry self-doubt beneath the surface. That’s why it helps to know what to look for.

How To Tell If Your Teen Is Struggling With Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can look different from one teen to the next. Some teens are vocal about how they feel. Others keep their struggles under the surface, masked by quiet withdrawal or even over-the-top confidence. These expanded sections can help you recognize the patterns—especially the subtle ones—that may signal your teen is struggling with their self-worth.

1. Negative Self-Talk Or Harsh Self-Judgment

Teens who struggle with low self-esteem often speak negatively about themselves, either out loud or in passing comments. They might put themselves down before anyone else can or dismiss their achievements like they don’t count. 

These remarks may seem small at first, but over time, they reflect a pattern of inner criticism that can chip away at their self-worth.

You might hear or notice:

  • “I’m so stupid,” “I mess everything up,” or similar put-downs
  • Joking about themselves in cruel or extreme ways
  • Refusing to accept compliments (“That’s not true,” or “You’re just saying that”)
  • Downplaying their success (“It wasn’t a big deal,” or “I just got lucky”)
  • Avoiding praise or getting uncomfortable when acknowledged

2. Avoiding New Experiences Or Quitting Easily

When teens don’t believe in themselves, they often avoid putting themselves in situations where they could fail or be judged. This can show up as passivity, disinterest, or giving up early. The truth is, many teens would rather not try than risk feeling “not good enough.”

Signs to watch for include:

  • Saying “no” to trying new activities, even ones they used to enjoy
  • Dropping out of sports, clubs, or other commitments unexpectedly
  • Becoming frustrated and giving up quickly when something is hard
  • Choosing the “easier” route to avoid feeling challenged
  • Making excuses like “It’s boring,” when it may actually feel intimidating

3. Over-Apologizing Or Struggling To Assert Themselves

Teens with low self-esteem often feel like a burden or worry they’ll upset others, so they default to apologizing—even when they’ve done nothing wrong. They may also have trouble asking for what they need or standing up for themselves, especially with friends, teachers, or siblings.

You might notice:

  • Apologizing for things that don’t warrant an apology
  • Saying “It’s fine” when something clearly bothered them
  • Letting others make all the decisions or go along with what others want
  • Avoiding eye contact or speaking very quietly in conversations
  • Hesitating to ask for help, even when they’re struggling

4. Needing Constant Praise Or Approval

Some teens rely on external validation to feel good about themselves. While praise is always nice to hear, teens with shaky self-esteem may need it to feel okay, and feel crushed when they don’t get it. Their sense of worth may rise and fall based on what others think of them.

This might sound or look like:

  • Frequently asking, “Was that okay?” or “Do you think I did a good job?”
  • Checking social media likes, comments, or messages often
  • Getting upset when someone doesn’t respond positively
  • Doing things just to please others, not because they enjoy it
  • Feeling deeply discouraged by small criticisms or corrections

5. Acting Overly Confident As A Cover-Up

Low self-esteem doesn’t always look shy or withdrawn. Some teens swing in the other direction, putting on a confident front to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable. This might include bragging, showing off, or acting like nothing bothers them, even when it clearly does.

Look for signs like:

  • Boasting about achievements or exaggerating their skills
  • Refusing to admit when they’re wrong or need help
  • Dismissing others’ opinions or being overly competitive
  • Laughing off emotional conversations or saying, “I don’t care”
  • Using humor or sarcasm to deflect attention away from insecurity

6. Pulling Away From Friends Or Hobbies They Once Loved

When self-worth is low, teens often lose interest in the things that once brought them joy. They may withdraw from social connections, stop participating in favorite activities, or isolate themselves more often. This can sometimes look like depression, but it’s often rooted in feeling like they’re not “enough” to be included or valued.

You might notice:

  • Spending more time alone in their room than usual
  • Ignoring texts, calls, or invites from friends
  • Quietly quitting hobbies, sports, or creative outlets
  • Saying things like “I’m not good at it anymore” or “They don’t want me there”
  • Seeming emotionally flat or unmotivated, especially in social settings

The Long-Term Effects Of Low Self-Esteem in Teens

Teens who don’t believe in themselves often carry that struggle into adulthood. When self-worth stays low for too long, it can lead to:

  • Mental health challenges. Low self-esteem raises the risk of depression, anxiety, and chronic stress
  • Relationship problems. Teens may have trouble setting boundaries, communicating needs, or choosing healthy partners.
  • Avoiding opportunities. Fear of failure can keep teens from taking risks, trying new things, or setting goals.
  • Trouble speaking up. Teens who doubt their worth may hesitate to advocate for themselves or ask for help when they need it.

Supporting your teen now helps build the foundation for long-term confidence and resilience.

How To Help Your Teen Build Self-Love And Confidence

Building self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight—but small, intentional steps can go a long way. What matters most is that your teen feels seen, accepted, and supported as they grow. Here’s how you can help them start strengthening their sense of self.

Validate Their Feelings—Even The Hard Ones

Teens often feel pressure to “be okay,” even when they’re struggling. By showing them it’s safe to talk about difficult feelings—like embarrassment, insecurity, or frustration—you give them permission to be human.

Let them know they don’t have to earn your support by being perfect. Phrases like “That makes sense,” or “I can understand why you’d feel that way,” can go a lot further than trying to fix it or offer advice right away.

Try This Together:

  • Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been feeling hard lately?”
  • Reflect back what you hear without judgment
  • Say, “It’s okay to feel that. I’m proud of you for talking about it.”
  • Keep your reactions calm so they don’t feel shut down or dismissed

Help Them Notice Their Strengths

Teens with low self-esteem tend to focus on what they can’t do. Helping them recognize their effort, growth, and character strengths—especially in everyday situations—can start to shift that narrative.

Instead of focusing only on achievements, point out how they handled something well or showed courage in a small way.

Try This Together:

  • Start a “weekly wins” journal where you both write down something you did that you’re proud of
  • Leave sticky notes or texts with genuine compliments (“You were really patient with your sibling today”)
  • Help them create a list of their strengths, even if it’s just a few words to start
  • Celebrate effort, not outcome (“I saw how hard you worked on that—even when it got frustrating”)

Model Positive Self-Talk At Home

Teens notice how you talk about yourself—and it shapes how they talk to themselves. If they hear you criticizing your appearance, doubting your abilities, or brushing off compliments, they may pick up those same habits.

Modeling self-compassion doesn’t mean pretending everything is great. It means showing them it’s possible to be kind to yourself, even when things go wrong.

Try This Together:

  • Replace phrases like “I’m so bad at this” with “I’m still figuring it out”
  • When you make a mistake, say out loud how you’re handling it kindly
  • Acknowledge your own wins in front of them without self-deprecation
  • Share how you’re working on being less hard on yourself, too

Encourage Safe Risk-Taking

Self-esteem grows when teens realize they can do hard things—even if it doesn’t go perfectly. Encourage them to step outside their comfort zone in ways that feel manageable. Focus on the courage it takes to try, not the outcome.

If they fail or struggle, support them in seeing what they learned and remind them that mistakes don’t define their worth.

Try This Together:

  • Set a small weekly “stretch goal” (e.g., speak up in class once, try a new activity, or share an opinion)
  • Talk about a risk you’ve taken recently and what it taught you
  • Help them plan a low-pressure way to try something new (like attending a club meeting or practicing a skill privately first)
  • After they try something hard, ask, “What surprised you about that?” or “What did you learn about yourself?”

Foster Connection, Not Comparison

Teens who spend too much time comparing themselves to others—especially online—often feel like they’ll never measure up. Shifting their focus toward real connection and personal fulfillment can help them feel more grounded and valued.

Encourage in-person experiences where they feel safe and accepted. Remind them that they don’t have to earn their place by being “the best” at something.

Try This Together:

  • Limit screen time during emotionally sensitive parts of the day (like before bed or after school)
  • Invite them to help you plan a tech-free activity, like cooking, hiking, or art
  • Encourage friendships with people who make them feel respected and included
  • Volunteer together—helping others can often shift focus in a positive way

Teach Boundaries And Assertiveness

Teens with low self-esteem often don’t feel like their needs matter. Teaching them how to speak up, say no, and ask for what they need can help them feel more in control—and more worthy of being heard.

This might take practice, especially if they’re used to people-pleasing or avoiding conflict. But these are skills they’ll carry into adulthood.

Try This Together:

  • Role-play everyday scenarios, like how to say no to a friend or ask for help at school
  • Help them write down short scripts they can use in tough moments (“I’m not comfortable with that” or “Can we talk later?”)
  • Praise them when they stand up for themselves, even in small ways
  • Remind them that setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s a form of self-respect

When To Seek Extra Support

If your teen’s self-esteem struggles are deep-rooted — or linked to trauma, bullying, or identity challenges — therapy can help. You don’t need to wait for a crisis. Some signs that it may be time to reach out include:

  • Persistent negative thoughts or self-blame
  • Signs of depression, anxiety, or self-harm
  • Refusing to try new things or engage socially
  • Ongoing fear of judgment or failure

A therapist can help your teen understand where their self-doubt comes from and give them tools to build healthier self-worth over time.

Grow Your Teen’s Confidence With Professional Support

Your teen doesn’t need to be perfect to feel worthy. They don’t need to love themselves all the time, either. But with encouragement, patience, and the right tools, they can start building confidence that lasts far beyond their teenage years.

If your teen could use extra support, we’re here to help them reconnect with their strengths, navigate self-doubt, and build a more compassionate relationship with themselves.

Contact us today to learn how our mental health programs help teens strengthen self-worth and heal into well-rounded young adults.

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